Note while low

Afternoon all.

It’s not my intention to be morbid, but I’ve decided to make a post while I’m low. For any reader who doesn’t know much about “diabetes”, that means that my blood glucose level right now is below what it should be and wow, can I feel it.

I’m eating as I type this, in order to bring it back up. Not to do so would be stupid for lots of reasosn, not the least being that I wouldn’t finish the post. If I hadn’t started eating food to bring it up, I’d have 5 minutes left before I couldn’t type any more.

But, I can feel that I’ve levelled out now. I still have to keep eating, but I can feel that I’ve stopped dropping. Whoo ay?

Right at this moment there’s heavy storms rolling over my home town. The sky outside is dark and menacing and heavy rain is just beginning. That pretty much matches how I’m feeling inside, both my body and my head. My body is shaking and feeling like a thundercloud has been growing there for the last 15 minutes. My head feels like the storm looks; dark and menacing. It has this end-of-the-world feel, where all light has disappeared and only thunder and lightening are my companions. I know this will change soon, but that’s how it feels right now. And if not for the carbohydrate I’ve already eaten, and my 46 years of living with this, or is it 47 now, the theatening dark clouds would only be getting worse, as the doom settles in.

God I hate this.

I’ve eaten enough as I type this that I know I’ll be OK soon. But If I hear one more prick complain about not be able to go ourt and party, there’s every chance that That I’ll hit them. The stupid, self-centred lousy pricks that they are.

I’m out.

Notes From The Lockdown – And So It Goes

Morning all.

Nothing much has changed for me. Australia is beginning to ease up on restrictions, gradually and carefully, but day-to-day life for me is still as it was in my last missive. I’m still working from home and expect to be doing so for some time to come yet.

Probably the most dramatic change since my last post is this terrible situation in the USA, with the trouble surrounding the sad death of that fellow in Minneapolis.

I’m not going to even pretend to express my point-of-view; that is not for this post. But what is for this post, and something that people who don’t live with T1D would struggle to comprehend, is the unease that can be caused by social unrest at this scale for people who rely on a steady flow of food and insulin.

Remember in previous posts where I’ve talked about juggling the 3 balls non-stop for the rest of our lives? Well food and insulin are 2 of those 3 balls. If we drop any one of the balls, our health will deteriorate dramatically and we will die. The time for this to happen depends on which of the 3 balls are dropped.

Food is the quickest. An inadequate supply of the right type of food could lead to disaster in as little as 8 hours.
Insulin is the next quickest. An inadequate supply of insulin will start to affect our health within as little as 12 hours. Disaster will come anywhere from a few days to a month or so later.

The trouble that is currently emanating from the USA and is rapidly gripping the world, combined with the disaster that is COVID-19 that is devastating so many countries around the planet, causes me to ponder the strength of the supply lines for the crucial medication and important supplies that we rely on. No insulin and disaster is pending. No important supplies and disaster isn’t pending, but our health is going to suffer.

Fortunately here in Australia the supply of food is not in question. But for some other countries, I’m not sure the same assurance can be made.

Yes, this does sound like a glass-half-empty view of current circumstances. But when you live with a chronic illness that can have such dramatic consequences, these thoughts do rumble along in the background.

That is life as I have lived it …. so far.

Notes From The Lockdown – More


Yep, we’re still here and we’re still in “lockdown”, although to be honest, this is really just keeping a distance between us all. We’re not really confined to our homes.

Here in Oz (Australia), we’re doing quite well compared to many other parts of the world. Our government has taken the threat very seriously and is moving heaven and earth to keep everybody safe. To date, as a nation, we’ve had about 94 deaths and 6,900 infections.

I’ve lost track, but I think I’ve been working from home now for about 6 weeks, maybe 7. Oddly I’m both getting used to it and getting over it. I’m looking forward to things easing back to a form of normal eventually, although I don’t think we’ll be back to full normal at least until a vaccine is created, proven and available to everyone. And the experts are still saying 18 months for that to happen.

The affect all of this change has had on my T1D is not what I was expecting. As I have said before, the 3 balls that we continuously juggle are food, insulin and exercise. The “exercise” encompasses the obvious, being exercise, but also includes rest, stress, thinking and the general internal buzz of life. The commonly held idea is that your body isn’t working unless you’re out of breath and sweating. Well I guarantee you that is not correct.

Physically yes, you need to move and “get your heart pumping”. But believe me when I say that your inner workings never stop. I’ve watched my BGL rise and fall for no really apparent reasons. There’s times when I’ve hit 17 – 306 in the USofA where they do things differently – and just looked at the meter and wondered. How could I have got to that? There is no simple answer to that question, because there’s no way of measuring a change to routine. I’m not walking to the train, up, down, up, down all day, walking around, talking, answering phone calls etc etc and general daily hub bub. But it all adds up and that’s what was keeping my levels stable. Now, I might think I’m almost as active as I was, but when my morning commute is 4 steps and “going out for lunch” means travelling from the bedroom to the kitchen, it all adds up.

No, I’m not complaining. I’m perfectly fine and getting used to the slower life. But there will be other T1s who will be finding all of this hard to manage and quite worrying.

Life wasn’t meant to be easy apparently, but I hope we can get back to some form of “normal” soon, before my body forgets what “normal” is.

That is T1D as I have lived it – this week – at home.

Notes From The Lockdown

I’ve lost track of how long we’ve been restricted to working from home, and basically keeping our distance from other people. But I have noticed something interesting, and just a tiny bit concerning, that has shown itself.

Living with T1D is a balancing act. I often describe it as like going through every minute of your life juggling 3 balls. You must never drop the balls or stop juggling them, or you could wake up in hospital ….. or worse.

One of those balls is exercise / rest. Now non T1D people never have to consider what constitutes exercise / rest. Most people consider that a run around the block, or a swim in the local pool, or even a walk to the shops, is what exercise is. And of course rest is sleeping, or relaxing on the couch in front of the TV.

But from your body chemistry perspective, exercise / rest is much more complicated than that.

Every breath you take is using energy. Every time you move your eyes you burn up a tiny, tiny amount of energy. Every time you talk to somebody, or answer the phone, or even press a button on your phone, you are burning up energy. Yes the amounts are drastically small, but the energy is burned and needs to be replaced. That is what is behind the well understood idea of running or going to the gym to lose weight. So long as you use up more energy than you eat, it is guaranteed that you will lose weight.

So when I talk about “exercise / rest”, I am referring to all of these micro moments of energy use.

Now, back to the present.

Here I am, sitting in my house and doing my work. I haven’t had to walk to catch the train. I haven’t socialised with my work mates throughout the day. I haven’t had to walk to the other side of the floor to go to the toilet – “bathroom” for our American friends. My trip to work this morning took me 3 steps. Yes, I went for my morning walk around the streets, but it is simply not the same level of “activity” that constitutes my normal day.

The effect of this is that my BGL readings have been much more variable than they have been for 12 months. And no matter how hard I try, I simply have not been able to flatten them out. We’ve all heard of “flattening the curve” of coronavirus, but that term means something else as well for somebody living with T1D. And since my normal routine was tossed out the window, my BGL “curve” has been anything but flat. It’s been all over the place.

Don’t get me wrong; I’m not concerned by it. My focus is 97% on my low levels, not my highs. But for the long term I do need to be aware of my highs, and they have certainly been erratic since my routines were disrupted.

It’s just another one of those minute considerations that most people never even think of. Why should they? Their body does the magic required to keep them healthy.

Marathon des Sables – A Type 1 Diabetes Adventure

An Uncommon Conundrum

Here we are, living through a rather amazing, and for some people a little frightening, global health pandemic. The modern world has never seen anything to this scale.

Now, I’m not going to pass judgement on governments and their actions, because I’m not an expert, so I’ll leave it to those who are. They know a lot more about coronavirus than I do.

As society here in Australia shrinks inward as the “stay-at-home” mantra becomes more real, social rules that have never been questioned before, or didn’t even exist, have now become front and centre. Some people are finding this quite confronting, leading to anxiety and stress. I don’t feel the anxiety that some people are feeling, but I do understand that established conventions and norms are about to disappear for a period of months. Working from home, with many of the shops closing their doors, my established routine is about to be turned upside down.

This anxiety is one reason why an early indicator that a bumpy ride was coming struck us in the form of panic buying. Again I won’t comment beyond the fact that this has led to bare shelves in supermarkets for many / most items of necessities. It is shameful, but maybe it is a normal reaction for humans under these strange circumstances.

I was at the supermarket this morning to do our weekly grocery shopping. And as I live with both T1D and coeliacs, ie. medical need for gluten free, as opposed to personal choice for gluten free, a regular item on our list is gluten free 2 minute noodles. I won’t bother going in to great depth about why these are so important, because anyone who does not live with the diabolical result of eating a micron of gluten, combined with the deathly result of not having enough carbohydrate at the right time, would find it difficult to comprehend in a meaningful way. I’ll just summarise by saying that the gluten free noodles are an important part of our weekly grocery shopping.

As the checkout lady was scanning our groceries, she got to the 6 tubs of 2 minute noodles. She told us politely that the limit on 2 minute noodles was 2 tubs, so we needed to leave 4 tubs behind. I asked, gently, if I could please talk to the manager.

When the manager, a nice but over worked lady in her 40’s, came, I explained to her that I lived with both T1D and coeliacs, and the noodles were important for me to have in the cupboard. That’s all I needed to say, so I’m guessing she either knows somebody with one illness or the other, or simply the fact I live with a chronic disease was enough for her to see requirement for practicality. She explained to me that it was out of her power to be able to let me buy all of the tubs, BUT ………. then went of to explain in simple words how I could get around the restriction.

I take my hat off to her.

I don’t expect the people in charge to understand every little nuance and nook’n’cranny of how their decisions affect people, and I am not whinging about my own circumstances. But this is just another example of how the complexity of living with T1D cannot be fully understood by anyone who does not live directly with it in the same house.

It’s just not possible.

That is T1D as I have lived it …… today.

Marathon des Sables – A Type 1 Diabetes Adventure

Sir, You Have A Book

Marathon des Sables
That’s me in the middle

In this current world where everyone seems worried about corona virus and how to get some more toilet paper, here’s a little story to take your mind off that.

I’ve always liked writing stories about the big things that happen in my life, and one of the bigger things was back in 2010, when I competed in the Marathon des Sables in Morocco. That’s me above in the middle with my hands folded in front of me.

Just this year Google, in their pursuit of having every book in the world online, opened themselves up for ordinary folk to be able to publish books. I stumbled on this only a couple of weeks ago, so set about seeing if they were true to their word.

And guess what! They are.

So now the book I wrote about the whole 2+ year experience of preparing for and participating in the Marathon des Sables is now one click away for you.

I won’t bother telling you that it works best with Chrome; I’ll let you do it the way you best want. But the adventure and drama really is only one click away.

Click here for The Book – Google Books

T1D – A Little Considered Issue

Recently here in Oz, our national broadcaster ABC has been running a line of stories about Acquired Brain Injury – ABI. The main focus for these stories has been the over representation of people in Australian jails who have an ABI, whether it be associated with why they went to jail, or acquired while being in jail.

Seeing one of these stories the other night and actually listening to what they were saying, instead of just letting it be background noise, got me considering what I went through 38 years ago. Anyone reading this who has been following my posts over the years might be aware of what I’m referring to, but the summary is that I had a near-death experience when extreme low BGL put me into a coma and came close to killing me.

Hearing the story on the ABC helped me realise that medical knowledge had indeed progressed in those 38 years, and what I experienced that fateful day in the follow up care now had a name and understanding.

Now I’m not going to focus here on the T1D aspects of the story about ABI. As the first link above explains, it can come from a wide range of places, both physical and medical. In my case it came from my body not having enough glucose in the blood because of the extreme hypo. The body will do everything it can to remain alive and viable and works its way through a checklist of options. At the top of the list is to keep the heart beating …. obviously. Down the list of options, a surprisingly long way down, are the eyes. That’s the reason I wear glasses; it stems from that episode. My body started metabolising the tiny muscles in my eyes that control focus. Also down the list, but probably closer to the top in importance, is the brain. The episode was so dramatic and I was so close to death that my body sacrificed parts of my brain in order for me to have enough glucose in my blood to remain alive. Hence my short term memory was shot. The second link will give you a snapshot of when I found out about that.

There’s a sort of dark humour anecdote from my mother that is associated with this damage that I suffered. She said to me once, in her caring but socially clumsy way, that I “used to be such a nice little boy”. What she was actually saying was that my personality had changed since that near death experience, which is also another potential part of ABI. It’s mentioned in the first link and was also mentioned to me by the doctors in follow up visits.

From a social perspective, probably the hardest part of T1D for us and our families is that it is usually invisible. We look normal, act normal and don’t look sickly. ABI is also invisible; that is part of the problem. So somebody like myself lives with an invisible chronic illness which has lead to an invisible ABI condition that has over the years caused some embarrassment and social difficulty.

One day, a few years ago, I was driving my wife to work. On the way we were talking about work that I was doing in our garden. I mentioned in passing that I was quite proud of what we were doing and gave myself a small verbal pat on the back. My wife’s reaction took me completely by surprise, so much so that I was pondering heavily on what she had said as I drove back home. In essence she was exasperated that I was again taking credit for something that she had done, in this case the general design of the garden.

I was dumbfounded.

But when I combined that with something my work mate had said to me some years before, it started to paint a coherent word picture. Completely unknown to me, I was creating memories to give a sensible explanation to things I couldn’t remember. And when I say “couldn’t remember”, I mean it was an entire blank. I’m not talking about “Where are my keys?” ….. tap, tap, tap on the forehead ….. “Oh yes, over on the bench”. I’m talking about a complete, total, black hole where not even the memory of a memory exists. This is the sort of no memory that most people never in their life experience. It’s as if all the oxygen has been sucked from the room and you are in a black vacuum. Nothing is there and never has been …. ever.

That is what an ABI did to me all those years ago. So not only is T1D an invisible illness, but so are some of it’s consequences.

That is T1D as I have lived it …… today.

Marathon des Sables – A Type 1 Diabetes Adventure


This Is What We Plan For

Anyone who reads the news will know that here in Australia, we are having a rather extreme summer. We are having some of the worst bush fires in recorded history, burning areas of bush larger than some small countries. And part of the reason for these fires is the extreme drought that Australia has been having for the last years, exacerbated by extreme temperatures.

Yesterday here in Melbourne, which is at the bottom, right section of Australia, we were having a day of extreme temperatures, in the order of 42C or 43C. For the sake of people in the USA, this is around 106 to 109F. It was hot and sticky.

I left work at the normal time for the normal trip home. When I got to the train station I knew something wasn’t right, so I slipped seamlessly into alert mode. After 20 years of doing this train routine, you learn to recognise the signs of an abnormal trip about to happen. But yesterday took the cake for unexpected.

In the end I walked through my front door at home after 3 and 1/2 hours of minor mayhem, that was outside anybody’s control. Signals were failing, tracks were buckling, trains were breaking down and buses were over heating. And all of this was being done by the wrath of Mother Nature, outside of any mere mortal’s control.

While sitting on the 3rd train of the trip, as we edged our way forward towards our ultimate destination, I considered my situation in the broader context and started doing some “what if” scenarios in my head. I currently had the benefit of a seat so, as I was now in “endurance mode”, I considered that this was an opportunity to take some necessary preventative action. I opened up my backpack, the same one that many people have commented on over the years with questions such as “What do you carry in there?” and “Why do you have so much food in there?” and “Don’t you think that’s a bit over the top?” and rummaged around.

Now I must add at this juncture that in addition to the T1D, I also live with coeliacs disease, ie. “gluten free”.

So while mentally doing the arithmetic and juggling act for how long I had available to me until our next possible expulsion from this particular train, I pulled out my biscuits (cookies for North Americans) and started eating. I had one – no, certainly not enough. I had two – I’ll be running out of time soon and who knows what lays ahead, so I had a third. This was a good helping of carbohydrate, essential for my survival as a person with T1D, and enough to carry me for a couple of hours if I was at home in front of the TV, but maybe less than an hour if I was confronted with physical exertion and hot, sweaty conditions.

And in my present situation I had no idea what was about to happen. As it turns out, I had a lot more “excitement” to come.

Another part of the 60 x 24 x 365 management routine we live with was that I needed to keep my wife informed about the situation I was now in. When everything is normal, I waltz in the front door at approximately the same time each day and 30 minutes later I’m eating my evening meal. But when things go off the rails – sorry, I couldn’t stop that pun from coming out – I am obliged from years of experience to let my wife know. This covers things from the simple, like don’t start cooking yet, to the extreme, like I am going to need an ambulance.

And yesterday, all of the years of planning and “what if”ing paid off. Because just after I had those biscuits and sent my wife the message, I lost most opportunity to take any other action.

I was now on a bus, crushed in with a multitude of other sweating commuters, rushing through the traffic towards our next unknown destination. I didn’t have a seat and it was all that I could do just to stay on my feet. I had no opportunity to rummage in my backpack for more food and no opportunity to message my wife. I just clung on and hoped for the best.

But at least I had those biscuits under my belt – another necessary pun.

Leaving out the Keystone Kops episodes that followed on that eventful journey, I finally walked in the door over an hour and a half late, way past the normal time for my first evening injection and my evening meal. But at least I was home and could now start the management and adjustment processes needed to bring my T1D back under my control, not the control of the extreme weather that Australia is experiencing this long, hot, dry and dangerous summer.

That is T1D as I have lived it ……… yesterday.

Marathon des Sables – A Type 1 Diabetes Adventure

A Meet Up With An Old Friend

Last night we did something special and went out to dinner with some old friends of ours. These friends live in Perth, way over on the other side of the country. If you live in London, Perth is further away from Melbourne than you are from Istanbul. And in between there’s an awful lot of flat nothing except iron ore and gold.

We had a very enjoyable evening catching up on old times and hearing about what we are all doing now.

But what makes this evening so special is that this is the friend who saved my life 38 years ago. He’s far too humble to ever accept my gratitude to him for what he did all those years ago, but if it wasn’t for him then I wouldn’t be here, and neither would my 3 daughters and 4 grand children.

I have written briefly about that episode, but today I’ll take a slightly different approach.

In this modern world of whacky ideas, we hear about KETO and FASTING and LOW CARB, amongst an alphabet of other weird approaches to this nirvana of losing weight and “fitness”. That’s all well and good – whatever floats your boat I suppose. But what we never hear about, because very few people know much about T1D, is the very real and life threatening danger of a person with T1D, also T2D if they have progressed to insulin injections, of dying from a massive episode of hypoglycaemia. And this is what almost happened to me 38 years ago.

There’s a pandora’s box of reasons behind what happened back then, and I won’t even mention the couple of very dark years that followed as I tried to get my life back together, but the reality is that every person who lives with T1D is only hours away from being dead. And if not dead, then left living with brain damage, or some other damage that comes from their body not having enough carbohydrate to survive.

I had already been in intensive care in the hospital for some days before I woke from my coma and now have the first memories of the episode. In effect, I wasn’t there for the really colourful parts of the story involving passing out and convulsing for hours in my flat until my friend came home. Or the frantic ambulance trip to the hospital and going into intensive care, where they started the frantic activities to try to bring me back. But my friend was there, and if it wasn’t for him, I wouldn’t be here today.

Forever grateful my humble friend.

Marathon des Sables – A Type 1 Diabetes Adventure

An Interesting Story With A Twist

Today’s story is off to the side and a little bit quirky.

Having lived with T1D for 46 years, it’s obvious that I’m not a young man. To be honest, I’m in the last few years before I retire from my job.

As that time draws closer, many people have been advising me that I need to have “Something To Do” when I retire. Then they run through the list of possibilities, which inevitably includes “a hobby” or “part time work”. The more adventurous even dig into “a little bit of extra money”, which is sometimes referred to as “pocket money”. After having these helpful bits of advice for the past 4 or 5 years, I’ve started doing something about it.

My advice is, if you’re going to have a hobby it needs to be something that you’re interested in; maybe even passionate about.

The obvious choices for me began reducing down to computers. Providing training? Building them? Programming them? When I considered that everyone is looking at their hands today, the obvious choice became learning to write programs for mobile phones. If you can’t beat them, join them.

So, for the last couple of months I’ve been digging into the subterranean world of writing apps. I warned my wife that I’d be going down the rabbit hole, but she was happy for me to have something to focus on and that made me happy. So down I went.

After saying hello to Alice, and that fellow with the crazy eyes and the funny hat, I fleetingly saw this giant white rabbit disappear around the corner. So off I went. It’s fascinating down there, with endless possibilities limited only by your imagination.

But …………

Since going down the rabbit hole, my BGL’s (Blood Glucose Levels) have taken a hit. Yes, I need to bring you crashing back to the very real world of T1D.

If you consider that my “normal” range before starting this pre-retirement exercise was between 4 and 12, the records quite clearly show that that range has now blown out to between 3 and 16.

Now, this is not the end of the world. And “the end of the world” is not actually the point of this story. The point is, how could developing a hobby and interest cause a measurable change to the numbers that dictate my health? And why do I care enough to write this story?

There are 2 aspects of the rabbit hole that are affecting my levels.

  1. I am losing track of time and sometimes forget to eat. When you are down that hole, time is different. You might think you’ve been there for 1/2 an hour, but in fact 3 hours have gone past. The rabbit hole plays with your brain
  2.  Writing programs, at least for me, is an emotional exercise full of surprises, excitement and desperation. It is a very emotional experience

The first point is obvious how it can affect the levels. No eat / no carbohydrate / no chance of stability in the levels.

The second point is more difficult to measure. Stress of any sort affects the BGLs, be it work, travel, health, emotion, psychological. But the affect any of these have on the BGLs cannot be predicted. Sometimes the affect can be up and sometimes it can be down. There’s even the “fight-or-flight” response where first the BGL goes up, preparing you for action, but then plummets afterwards as the body tries to return to normal. So the emotional, psychological, even physical part of learning to write programs for phones is having a measurable affect on my state of health.

A similar situation would occur if a person with T1D is obsessed with gambling on the horses, or playing poker or buying / selling shares. Any of this type of activity, if it becomes an obsession, will potentially cause harm in an unpredicted, unexpected and possibly dramatic way.

That is T1D as I have lived it ….. today.

Marathon des Sables – A Type 1 Diabetes Adventure